What is the biggest issue gay and queer men face?

As a clinical psychologist who has worked with gay men for over four decades, I realize that the biggest underlying issue for gay and queer men is LONELINESS: The feeling of being cut off from a deeper sense of belonging to the world and to ourselves. Receiving the message that you do not belong, at an early age, penetrates deeply to our core. I think we tend to underestimate the trauma of being profoundly different and having to hide it. Some of us were not physically abused, but we were psychologically mistreated- itself a strong form of abuse.

When you grow up having to bury or sideline the deepest feelings of your heart and soul, you can become used to being a performer- the ultimate achiever, the gym stud or the big wage earner. You can also choose to give up, avoiding relationships and career satisfactions.  It is too easy to become cut off from deeper connections with other men, but, even worse, detached from our own needs and feelings.

One of the best ways of starting to drop the metaphorical “metal plates” that protect our inner self is to join a group that offers you encouragement to express yourself authentically and helps you learn how to connect with other guys on a deeper level. In my groups as we do the hard work of looking at our disconnection, we also bring in a playful spirit.  We have a lot to offer and it is time to get going.

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To schedule a consultation with Dr. Swift—or for more information—please call (212) 517-6942 or email drwswift@gmail.com.